Grief Journaling

As part of Mental Health Awareness Week, we invited Part of Life’s resident blogger, Amy Jackson, to share her experience and top tips for how to get the best out of Grief Journaling.

In recent years, the concept of journaling for self-care has become increasingly popular. Whether it’s used as a tool for self-improvement or simply a way to unleash a messy array of thoughts, studies have shown that journaling can have a multitude of benefits to our mental health, such as enhanced mental clarity, boosting self-esteem, and helping to manage stress and anxiety.

Journaling for Grief

Writing through grief can be a helpful way of navigating your feelings after a bereavement. For some, it can provide comfort and solace in the days and weeks after a loved one dies. For others, it can be a useful reflection tool years down the line after a loss, showing how far they’ve come in their grief journey.

While it may not be everyone’s cup of tea, journaling has also been found to make positive changes in both the psychological and physical effects of grief. Alongside this, there can also be practical benefits to journaling through grief, with the biggest being that there are no rules. You can do it as little or as much as you want to, at any time, with total control over what you write about. You can pour your thoughts into endless paragraphs, or you can fill the pages with words, phrases, doodles, or even photos. You can even adapt the whole concept of a ‘grief journal’ to what it means to you. Some people may document their thoughts and emotions throughout their grief journey, while others may write letters to their loved one or document their favourite memories and photos of them – it’s up to you.

How to start a grief journal

There’s no right or wrong way to journaling, and equally, there’s no right or wrong way to start it. You might start out with scribbles on scraps of paper, or you may write a few bits in the notes app of your phone when the mood takes you. Equally, you might start an online journal (Sue Ryder has a digital grief journal that you may find useful). You might even decide to go all out and treat yourself to a nice fancy notebook for the task. Again, there are no rules.

To some, the context of ‘no rules’ might be a bit daunting, so here are a few tips to give you a steer should you need it.

Fancy giving grief journaling a go? Here are Amy’s top tips:

1: Do whatever feels natural

Admittedly, if you’re new to journaling, it can be difficult to know what feels natural, especially if you’re in the early stages of grief. You might not have a clue what to write about, or you might not even be sure how you want to do it. Here’s a little example from my own experience. 

I’m no stranger to journaling, and for me it has always been a form of self-care, especially during the first few weeks after my dad died. My style before that had always been the old-fashioned one – a dedicated journal that I kept in a safe space, with Pinterest-inspired headings and layouts, and of course, a collection of fancy pens to write with.

However, during those early days of grief, I knew two things. The first? I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I didn’t have the energy or patience to stick to my usual layouts, and I especially didn’t feel like picking up a pen and writing by hand. But the second thing? The second thing was that I knew I wanted to write. I wanted to write about the anticipatory grief I felt in the run up to his death, the shock of seeing how unwell he was, and even more so, the horrendous three days my siblings and my step-mum spent at the hospital waiting for the inevitable.

In the end, I decided that I’d spent the last few weeks glued to screens – my phone, my Kindle, the TV – so what was an hour or two more? So, I grabbed my laptop, opened a Word document, and put my speedy typing skills to good use. Nine pages and almost three years down the line, I’ve done nothing with that document. But I still attribute it to being one of the best things that helped me to process everything that happened.

My point? Doing that was what felt natural for me, but it might not feel natural to someone else. For you, it could be writing a line or two about how you’re feeling on a specific day, it could be a ‘thought dump’ that makes absolutely no sense to anyone but you, or it could even be sketching out a few doodles. It’s about what you need and want to do at the time.

2: Stay consistent, but don’t set yourself too many rules

Consistency is key when it comes to habit-building, but it’s important to be kind to yourself, especially during those early days of grief. There might be days where you don’t feel like writing, and that’s okay. Equally, you might even decide that you want to set aside regular journaling time each day, and that’s fine too. Just ensure that you’re not forcing yourself to do it, and don’t beat yourself up if you miss a day or two.

3: Read back through your entries

This is one to take with a pinch of salt, as it might not appeal to everyone. However, in some cases, looking back over your earlier grief journal entries later down then line can be something positive. It could be reminding you of a funny memory of your loved one that you wrote down one day when it suddenly popped into your head. It could be reflecting on each year without them, and what you’ve accomplished during that time. It could even be something as simple as reflecting on how far you’ve come in your grief journey, which for some, can bring about a sense of healing.

One thing to bear in mind is to take this one steady. Take your time and ensure that you feel emotionally ready to look back through your entries. If you don’t, that’s okay. If you start and later realise that you need to stop, that’s okay too. They’ll still be there if and when you decide to come back.

Need some inspiration for what to write in a grief journal?

Sticking to the theme of doing what feels natural, deciding what to write about is the same. You might decide to stick to one format, or you might use a mixture depending on how you’re feeling each day. On days when you feel a bit stuck for inspiration, a quick search on Pinterest or Google will easily give you a whole range of grief journal prompts to work with, although it might feel a little overwhelming! To narrow it down, here are a few of my favourites.

“The thing I miss most is…”

What is it about your loved one that you miss the most? Their sense of humour? Their cooking? A saying they’d always use? Maybe it’s a combination of things. Either way, this prompt is a lovely way to get you thinking about your loved one’s best qualities, and perhaps even lead into remembering some of their finest moments.

Write about your favourite memories of them

Whether you write in detail about a particular memory or simply list several of them, this is a great way to reflect on the happier times with your loved one. You may even find that it unlocks a memory or two that you’ve not thought about in years!

Write them a letter

This one can be particularly helpful if you had a strained or difficult relationship with the person who has died, or if there are things that have been left unsaid (for example, if their death was sudden and unexpected). At the same time, this can also be a simple but effective way of feeling connected to them when they’re no longer here. For some people, this may even become a tradition of sorts, writing that person a letter each year to fill them in on what’s been happening since they’ve gone.

Create a playlist

Like the idea of a grief journal, a grief playlist can take any form that you wish. You could put together a list of your loved one’s favourite songs, or songs that remind you of them, or you could even create a list of songs you like to listen to when you need to cry it out! Check out the Part of Life playlist for inspiration.

Remember, when it comes to keeping a grief journal, you’re in charge. Setting yourself rules is fine if you feel it will encourage you to stay consistent, but equally, it’s important to be kind to yourself and remember that it’s completely fine if you miss a day or two, or if some days you write more than others. The final thing to remember is a simple one. Regardless of how, what, when, or how often you do it, if you find that writing about your grief is helpful, that’s the most important thing.