A Good Goodbye
Funeral Ceremonies & Celebrations of Life
With the cost of living crisis at a peak, many people are turning to alternative funeral arrangements to keep costs down.
We invited Susanna Watson, an independent funeral celebrant with a background in social work, to explain why she offers a low cost alternative to some costly packages.
Where it all began
I first became interested in funerals as a social worker at Dorothy House Hospice Care, working with families who were struggling to arrange and pay for them. Many hadn’t made any plans in advance and were faced with a host of decisions to make at a time when decision-making was difficult. Did funerals have to be like this I wondered? And did they have to be so expensive?
A love of storytelling
My interest wasn’t just in the practical side of things. I love hearing about people, listening to their stories and writing them down and I’ve always valued ritual and liturgy - the power of people gathering together to express themselves through shared words, music and actions. It’s one of the things that religions at their best do well. But for so many people the language of organised religion is both alien and alienating and something different is needed. How then do you best give a funeral ceremony heart and soul? It was with these questions in mind that I trained as an Independent Funeral Celebrant and launched Remembered Lives.
Image credit: Susanna Watson
What does a funeral celebrant do?
More often than not it’s a Funeral Director who asks me to take a service which has already been booked. But people also get in touch with me directly, either because they know they will need to arrange a funeral or because they want to plan their own in advance. Part of my role is talk them through the options and help them work out what kind of ceremony they want. Will it be at a crematorium or burial ground? Or in a barn or local pub, outdoors or at home? A direct cremation with a separate celebration of life? What kind of ‘feel’ do they want the ceremony to have? Traditional or informal? Sacred or secular? Indoors or out? A goodbye, a thanksgiving, a celebration, or all three?
Whilst planning the ceremony, I’m also helping families to think and talk about the person who has died, to share memories, sometimes laugh and cry together, and start to express and organise their own thoughts and feelings. Some find it very therapeutic – the first time they’ve had a chance to stop and talk. Then, at the ceremony itself, they hear what they have said reflected back to them in the words and music they’ve chosen.
Writing and leading the ceremony is very much a collaboration and I do as much or as little as wanted. But I’m there at the front as someone who is not caught up in the emotion of it all and can “hold the space” so that it feels contained and safe.
Image credit - Susanna Watson
What makes a good funeral ceremony?
There’s no one answer to this question! People want and need such different things. When I started out, I wasn’t sure that you could have a ‘good funeral’ in a standard 30-minute slot at a crematorium. But now I know from experience that it works for many people and that the ceremonies are often deeply personal and meaningful. On the other hand, crematoria or traditional burials are not right for everyone; something different and creative is needed. I’ve conducted a burial in a farmer’s field, MC’d in a gallery, led a celebration of life at a hotel and danced (along with everyone else!) in a woodland burial ground.
In the end, what makes a good funeral ceremony isn’t so much about where it takes place, what music is played or exactly what’s said. What’s most important is what it does for the people who attend. For me, whatever form it takes, it needs in some way to:
communicate the deep significance of this one person’s life and death
ensure that the person is ‘present’ at the very heart of the ceremony and acknowledged in a rich and truthful way
make space for both laughter and tears, celebration and grief
reflect the reality of loss and a transition, a letting go, a sending on - whether into the atoms of the universe, the depth of memory, the cycle of life or God’s safekeeping
give the those attending hope and courage
People often tell me that the funeral has been an unexpectedly positive, even uplifting experience. It has brought friends and family together, allowed them to honour and celebrate the person who has died and started the sometimes long process of rebuilding life around their loss.
For more information about the history of funeral traditions and the wide variety of funeral options, check out our Future of Funerals blog.
